It's crunch time

After having witnessed my very soft belly spilling over the top of my jeans for the past two years or so, I have decided that enough is enough.  It’s time to get down on the floor and do what I’ve been avoiding for too long.  I’ve got to toughen up the abdominals and get this baby back under control.  I need abs of steel.

I stopped doing crunches when my middle-aged neck started “going out”, which is code for deteriorating.  Having never had a back/neck/spine problem my entire life, one fine day about 2 years ago I woke up in excruciating pain emanating from my neck.  I wondered aloud later in a doctor’s office if the extreme forces of zip lining had caused the problem?  No, the doctor assured me.  This had probably been coming for some time. I chalked it up to too many years of looking both ways before crossing the street (damn that Elmer the Safety Elephant!) and quickly changed purses to stop exerting even more pressure onto my delicate bones.

And so, my giggly little tummy, which has become quite cute, has been getting rounder and softer with each passing year.  It’s time to flatten the Pillsbury doughboy once and for all.

In the past when I’ve attempted to restart the crunch program, I’ve joined a class.  A word of warning to the uninitiated:  NEVER begin with a class.  You have to run before you can walk.  Your body is not up for 25+ minutes of intense abdominal workout, no matter what your brain thinks.  You’ll be dead before the first ten minutes have passed, so save yourself the pain and start slowly.  Work up to three sets.  Forget reverse crunches for now.  Just try to get the ball rolling without giving up.  THAT’s my mantra. Small changes consistently over time; that’s the new reality for those who don’t wish to be hospitalized.

Will I be bikini ready in time for my cruise?  I won’t be ‘bikini ready” for the rest of my life, despite Demi Moore’s accomplishment in the Charlie’s Angels redo.  Oh, unless someone wants to pay me $1 million dollars for the result.  I’m open to offers.

I’m expecting my back to feel better as I get the strength to stand up taller.  That alone, should provide the motivation.  Shrinkage is always a problem and I can ill afford to lose any ability to reach the second shelf of my cupboard.  Nor can I get any physically closer to the gas pedal in my car.  Nope.  What I need is to stand taller and abdominal strengthening is way better than donning heals and screwing up my back.