Inventions that clearly need work

In my humble opinion, the following gadgets need to go back to the drawing board.  I can’t make these things work and God knows I’ve tried.  For years.

 

The self-serve check out machines at the grocery store:

I’m done with this and not because I like to chat with grocery store clerks.  It doesn’t seem to matter what I scan, within seconds these machines give up and want some kind of secret code entered before they’ll continue.  Not to mention their sheer inability to cope with non-plastic bags.  Maybe we need Al Gore on this just to rid us of plastic bags…but if someone doesn’t fix these silly machines, I’ll be doomed to a life of lining up to exchange pleasantries with cashiers young and old.  I think this is God’s way of making me more sociable. 

My propane patio heater:

We received this as a wedding gift and I LOVE the idea of wiling away a beautiful summer evening on the deck whilst not freezing to death.  But doing the hokey pokey to get this thing ignited is becoming too much for me.  To begin with, the entire operation is so high above my head that I must stand on a ladder to work it.  The fine print of the instructions that I must read each and every time because the mere act of turning it on is so convoluted, is too small to read…in the dark…Sigh.  The logic of the operation of this is odd to say the least.  The instructions begin: “To light…depress knob and turn clockwise to the off position.”  You’ve lost me right there.  Isn’t it “off” to begin with?  If it’s not OFF right now…what the hell is it?  Push in, counter clockwise and then pull out clockwise…with each instruction it sounds more and more like a kinky sex act.  AND WE DO THIS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE ON THE PATIO!  We even get them to join in!  On each and every occasion that we’ve used it to date…it has never come on before at least 3 separate attempts by 2 different people, all of whom have graduated from institutions of higher learning.  Seriously, there has to be a better way.  There is: it’s called a blanket.

My gas fireplace:

Maybe it’s just me and natural gas, (fear of flame perhaps?) maybe it’s the fact that this unit must be more than 20 years old, but this one’s problematic.  I romantically imagine all the wonderful evenings that Ken and I could be having (see paragraph above!), not to mention warding off the chill of a damp Vancouver winter, only to be foiled once again! Apparently, I have yet to perfect the art of pushing while turning at just the right pressure and angle.  No wonder I never got pregnant.  Maddening to start to see the small flicker of a flame, only to have my hopes dashed that I can’t actually ignite it in less than three attempts.  If I owned a gas stove, I would probably starve. 

What’s the worst invention that you’ve ever used in your daily life?  Let’s rise up together people and force designers to build a better mousetrap!